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We want to acknowledge and thank everyone for the supportive comments on CM's last post. It is our intent here at Thumblini Central to provide honest, potentially provocative reflections (and cutesy photos), and we very are thankful for the hear hears. Sometimes this parenthood thing is messy, sometimes even the hardiest binding ties tend to pinch a little, and (to really mix the metaphors) it seems somehow inevitable that as new parents we find ourselves stepping into thin air on a regular basis.

Hey, how 'bout those cutesy photos!?

Here, Thumblini catches up with her extremely special friend, The Toogster: a buddy from the Old Country who managed to convince her parents to come to Thumblini's party many leagues from home. The Bliniesque-One was touched (see above), but the parents were dumbstruck with happiness and a general sense of The Shivers. Soon, Boothbay friends, we meet again. 

What the heck's in there? Is that an economy-sized tub of Gerber's Stage One Beef and Vegetables, or is Daddy brewing up another batch of porter? Either way: kids, large buckets are not toys.

Just being cute. See how I've been packing on the grams since I got home?

Thumblini, it turns out, is very sensitive to the sun (must be the eyes, methinks). We have known for some time that she fusses in the car, turning this way and that, but when it was finally warm enough to run some errands outside, we broke out the new stroller and started on our way. We'd made it only feet before the screaming began, so we high-tailed it to the nearest The Children's Place and outfitted the baby in this year's finest pinks. The shades and shading seemed to soothe her. Maybe everyone should wear these kind of glasses?...

- DD

Two Parties And A Tumble

One of my clients hosted a surprise baby shower for me on Tuesday. I walked into a meeting only to find 35 people staring at me with smiles on their faces, flowers, a library of books for Thumblini, and a gorgeous cake on the table. I never experienced a surprise like this before, and because of my infertility history I had avoided baby showers for years. Turns out, they're not so bad!

The next morning, still woozy with cake, I headed downstairs with Thumblini in my arms and - whoops! - the dog under my feet. The three of us slid and thumped down the length of the staircase, in what was the longest and scariest moment of my entire life. No exaggeration. Even my colon cancer scare had nothing on thinking I had just banged Thumblini's head on each post in the bannister as we fell uncontrollably down the stairs. I swear as we fell, I saw her hit her head over and over again. My husband heard the shrieking and the commotion, and crossed the dining room to meet us at the bottom of the stairs, catching Thumblini as she flew out of my arms at the last step. I was hysterical, the baby was screaming, and somehow, and - it had to be a miracle - Thumblini survived without a scratch. After a couple of hours, the shock wore off and I found out I was not so lucky: my legs and back were painted with broad purple bruises, and I hurt all over.

Yesterday (seventeen ibuprofen later), four dear friends of mine threw a wonderful party for us. They organized an elegant and warm event with all of our friends, a magnificent cake, champagne, and a beautiful ceremony of thanksgiving for Thumblini's birth and adoption. The 15-minute ceremony was led by two of our dearest friends, and it reflected on our whole journey, from infertility, to Kazakhstan, and finally to parenthood. They helped us celebrate our coming together as a family, and they welcomed Thumblini into the community. It was magnificent.

And now I sit in my cozy gingerbread cottage on a cold winter day in New England thinking about what it is to be a new mom. No, I have nothing profound to share, but I have noticed some differences in my life: Where once I kept a meticulous calendar and never missed a deadline, I now find it difficult to even find my calendar and I have inadvertently stood up friends more than once. I have started working again, but I find myself frantically cramming work in-between diaper changes, feedings, laundry, playtimes and naptimes. I discovered this weekend that I am a MUCH more tentative, nervous mom than I had ever thought I would be. After speaking with 2 other parents about how and what they feed their babies, I realized I'm petrified I'll give Thumblini a stomach ache or bring about her death by choking on a Cheerio.

And then there is my relationship with my husband. He is patient and kind and attentive, and is the dad any child would wish for (and can I just say one more time thank GOD he was home when we fell??!!!) But, we have been finding it difficult to connect in the midst of this adjustment. I have been a bitch and unpleasant a lot of the time, and we have argued more in the past month than we ever have in all our years together. Yes, I know it's only been 7 weeks since we returned home with a new baby, but we checked in yesterday and it is clear that we miss each other deeply. So after a good, long (and long-overdue), talk, we are feeling more hopeful and connected. We have to be vigilant to remind ourselves that part of the reason we sought to be parents was to enrich our life as a couple, not drive it into the ground.

Such a week. The warm fuzzies proliferate in our house, and the glow of those around us will surely be around for some time...but tomorrow, Dr. Dad goes back to work, and Thumblini and I will be alone with the taunting stairs. Even with all of the wonderful, generous people in my life, I still feel scared and alone sometimes. This new mommy thing is the best and hardest thing I have ever done. It is worth it, but anyone who says that being a new mom is easy is either totally checked out or is totally lying.

- CM

PS: More photos soon...

It's Always Just A Pillow

What a month it has been.

In the four short weeks since we returned home from Kazakhstan with Thumblini, I have experienced so many overwhelming feelings. I have no idea how to describe the intensity of returning home as a new mom to an adopted daughter who is in her 11th month of life. I have found myself laughing harder than ever, crying with unprecedented frustration, missing the little one terribly while she sleeps, and yearning deeply for quiet, quality (awake) time with my husband.

Thumblini has completely stolen my heart and she has bewitched me for good. I adore and admire her spunkiness, and her infectious glee at being alive. I think she might even be enjoying her time as our daughter. This makes me very, very happy. Nothing seems to bother her for more than a moment, and she is far more adaptable than either of her parents! I am in awe of this little girl.

It is not her, then, but I who struggles through the day. There are times when I am very depressed (!!??!), times when I am frantic to keep ahead of her and the house, and many are the times when I completely forget to eat (though I have managed somehow to gain back most of the weight I lost in Kazakshtan!) I continue to have a hard time sleeping because I wake up constantly: sometimes just to check on her, and sometimes because I hallucinate that she is in my bed and I am unable to find her. I wake up terrified, searching through the bedclothes, only to find a pillow in my hands. My poor husband. Thank goodness for his sense of humor...Sometimes I stroke his shoulder, thinking he is the baby, he wakes up and he laughs and tells me he is not the baby, and that the baby is sound asleep in her crib! Oh dear. I am a mess.

Finding space or time or energy or focus to sit still and write is very difficult. However, I can feel in my bones that things are beginning to shift just a bit, because as she sleeps tonight, I find myself writing. And, as she sleeps tonight, I can breath a bit more easily than I did yesterday. And I am smiling...but in an hour, I will probably fall apart in my husband's arms! :)

- CM